From the Desk of J. Jonah Jameson
Headline: Spider-Man Back From the Dead?!
Body:
True believers, you can take it from this veteran newsman that
nothing is ever as it seems! Let’s take the Amazing Spider-Man and
the Spectacular Silk Spider. For instance, Spider-Man and Silk
Spider have supposedly been seen in New York City, robbing jewelry
stores and banks. But haven’t we been witness to old Web Head’s
aunt, addressing the public with the identity and the death of her
nephew? There is only one answer to this enigma, readers!
Spider-Man is back from the dead!
As for the Silk Spider… she was never to be trusted!
As someone who knew Spider-Man personally, I can tell you that I saw his rotten amoral core from day one!
But
back to the point, dear readers. An actual superhero, a brilliantly
garbed character named Mysterio, came into these news offices. He
declared that he would take down the Silk Spider and Spider-Man and
become the true protector of New York City.
The real Silk Spider and her friend, Nightcrawler, battled Mysterio, a Silk Spider robot and the Spider-Man robot, on top of the Brooklyn Bridge. By the end, Mysterio was webbed up and left for the police, who ultimately discovered that some megalomaniac is holding auditions for a supervillain group, and that’s why Mysterio was there in the first place.
So forget it JJJ! I have a moral compass that is a lot stronger than the paycheck you give me.
The Spider-friends are indeed heroes, and maybe that’s what the city needs to see in print.
James Spinnotti
Assistant Editor
Spinnotti! You’re fired!
J Jonah Jameson
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